


Something Good and True, I Don't Wanna Feel Blue

by Lacy_Star



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: ??????, Claustrophobia, Happy Ending, How Do I Tag This, Light Angst, M/M, almost panic attack, heights, is that smth I should tag???, there's homo zone for a SECOND if you squint lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-18 17:59:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19339669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lacy_Star/pseuds/Lacy_Star
Summary: Rich was clearly still on edge. His eyes darted for a moment and he made a noise between a scoff and a growl. “Just… can’t you just tell me?”Yeah. Michael supposed he could.“Why would you flirt with me like that!?”“... What?”----Everyone goes to the carnival and goes on the Ferris wheel. It breaks down. Michael and Rich are stuck in a car together and are having a misunderstanding. Fill in the blanks.





	Something Good and True, I Don't Wanna Feel Blue

**Author's Note:**

> I got the idea for this after going to the carnival, then going home and watching MARINA's music video for Blue. I just wanted to do a carnival thing. That's it.

Michael wanted to punch out whoever’s teeth belonged to the person who decided the group should go to the carnival.

It was probably Rich’s idea too. Since Rich was full of bad ideas and was also stupid and also the worst.

He’d actually been enjoying his time at the carnival, going on shitty rides that were loud and clunky and likely to break down but he still decided to put trust into to stay functional.

A bad decision.

After losing some rigged games, Christine piped up with, “I wanna go on the Ferris wheel when it’s sunset!”

To which everyone had said, “Great idea Christine!”

But when they got there, it was quickly discovered that of course, since it was a shitty tiny traveling carnival Ferris wheel, it was at most 3 to a car.

Which would’ve been fine, if Christine, Jenna, and Brooke didn’t want to be in a car together for a cute instagram moment, Chloe and Jake wanted to be in a car (probably to fuck and then argue), and Dustin and Jeremy wanted to be in a car together (also probably to fuck).

Michael understood that Jeremy wanted to spend time with his new boyfriend. What he didn’t understand was why his best friend left him hanging (literally) with _Rich._ Would it have been so much to ask to let Michael third wheel them for one (1) ride? And for Jake and Chloe to get over themselves long enough to let Rich ride with them?

Apparently not, Michael discovered as he slid into a car, sitting down opposite of Rich.

The door closed on them and they started moving up so the next car could be filled. Rich opened his mouth to talk but Michael just slid on his headphones, clicking the “play” button and closing his eyes. He turned up the volume to drown out the loud machine and was lulled with the swinging of the cart.

He knew he was being an asshole to Rich. He deserved it anyways.

Every so often the cart would stop to fill the rest of the cars. Once it was full it started turning in a regular, steady motion. Michael could’ve fallen asleep

Eventually it jolted to a stop. The ride must’ve been over, Michael thought. He opened his eyes and slid his headphones off.

They were at the highest point on the rollercoaster, high enough for a breeze to pass through. The people at the bottom were probably being unloaded.

Rich had his face held in one hand, staring out over the carnival. It was nearly poetic and instagram-like how his face was washed in orange from the sunset.

Not pretty, though.

Rich looked bored and sad, staring vacantly out into the sky. Once he noticed Michael was back down to earth, however, he piped up and opened his mouth to speak again.

Michael slid on his headphones.

“Michael…”   
  
Blasted the volume.

“ _Michael!_ ”

Sighed and slid off his headphones.

Rich had his arms crossed and his brow furrowed, but he sighed in relief once Michael started paying attention.

“Did I do something?”

_ Yes. You bought a computer and bullied me and my best friend day after day, then told my best friend about the computer that would throw a wrench in our friendship and almost zombify the whole school, set a house on fire while I was locked in the bathroom and nearly killed me, and worst of all, after all  _ that _ you... _

Michael thought that, but didn’t say it.

He shrugged instead and went, “Nah.”   
  
Rich rubbed over the scars on his left arm nervously. “It just feels like you’ve been mad at me for a few months now.

“Hm.” Michael blinked at him. “That all?”

“No. I-” Rich swallowed, eyes darting to the floor, then back to Michael’s, “I don’t know what I did and I feel bad.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“But I don’t want you to be mad at me. Wouldn’t you, like, prefer if we got along?”

“No,” Michael admitted. Because hating Rich was easier than the alternative.

“I feel like this is squip related,” Rich said after a long, awkward silence that made Michael long for his music.

Michael chose not to respond. He wanted out of the conversation and maybe if he made Rich feel as awkward as he did, it would stop.

Rich unfortunately mistook his silence for a yes. “So it is?” Rich started rubbing more frantically at his burns, and Michael was almost concerned. “Look- I… I already apologized. And I know that’s never gonna cut it and you don’t have to forgive me, but I just… wasn’t in control. And I know that doesn’t justify or excuse it or whatever, but I’m so sorry I ever-”   
  
Michael had heard this breathless spiel a few times at this point, and wasn’t in the mood for Rich’s anxiety and blame over things that were only a fourth his fault (though, Michael did like pinning all the blame on him. It was easier than blaming Jeremy, at least). He cut in, “Yeah, yeah. I know. You’re good, man. I don’t care about that.” (He did, but that wasn’t what he was mad about at the moment).

Rich looked up at him with shiny, wide eyes. Not pretty at all. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

Doubt returned and clouded Rich’s features. “Then… why are you mad at me?”   
  
“Can you just forget it?” Michael snapped. 

“But…” Rich trailed off and went quiet.

Michael sighed, looking over the carnival again.

They were really high up. Still at the highest point on the wheel.

Wait.

Michael scooted over to face the front side of the Ferris wheel, where the operators were. He looked down where several people were crowded around a control panel.

“Hey…” Michael spoke up, “We’ve been in this spot for a while, haven’t we?”

Rich looked up from where he was sulking, also scooting over and looking down. “... Yeah.” He and Michael locked eyes at the same time. “You don’t think…” 

A cracking voice from a megaphone spoke up at them. From up so high (and the shitty quality of said microphone didn’t help either), Michael could only catch bits and pieces of the announcement.   
  
“Passengers… Technical difficulties… Fixed soon… Remain seated.”

Michael didn’t need to be in AP English to understand it. 

He looked at Rich, who was less than two feet away.

Who he was now stuck with.

For God knows how long.

“Oh _no_ ," Michael grumbled, “God, why did it have to be _you_?”

Rich looked at him with wounded eyes. Michael was too pissed to care. He flopped against the seat, staring at the ceiling of their car.

Michael decided that he’d rather be upside down on a rollercoaster and have it break then on a harmless ride with Richard Goranski.

Jeremy must be so scared, Michael thought.

Oh wait.

“Jeremy must be so scared,” Michael said, sitting up.

Since they were the last in their group to get on the ride, there were strangers in the car behind them. In front of them, however, were Dustin and Jeremy, who had boarded right before they had.

“Move over,” Michael insisted, standing up as much as he could in a tiny pod, breaking the “remain seated” rule, and sitting down next to Rich.

Looking down, he could just see a sliver into the next car. He called down, “Jeremy? Are you okay?”

A shrill voice called up, “Yeah, no, I’m great! This is fine! Everything’s just great, can’t you tell!? I’m _great!_ ”

Dustin popped his head out and looked up at them. Deadpan, he replied, “He’s great.”

“ _Dustin._ ”

“Joking! I’m joking.” Dustin disappeared back into the car, presumably and hopefully to help comfort his boyfriend.

Michael groaned, slumping into the seat. He realized he was pressed up against Rich only once he felt the boy shift next to him. Michael scrambled away from him onto the floor, causing the car to swing back and forth. He _hated_ him, he reminded himself.

“Michael!” Rich yelped as they rocked, grabbing onto the sides of the car and holding on.

Michael hoped that Rich wasn’t the type to get nauseous easily. He looked a little pale, now that Michael was paying closer attention.

“Please don’t throw up on me.”   
  
Rich fixed him with wide eyes and gave a watery smile. “Nah, dude. I’m good.”

Michael sighed, too lazy to get off of the floor, and stared up at the roof of their car. Someone had graffitied a penis, “Emma x Alyssa,” and several vine references. Oh, how Michael loved humanity.

They sat in silence for a couple of minutes. The ambiance of the carnival filled the small space. Michael was tempted to put his music on, but knew he’d be too pissed to enjoy it.

He knew partly he should be grateful that _this_ was the ride that broke, and not some other ride that flung them around that they could’ve gotten really hurt on. Still, he partly thought he’d rather be in that situation then trapped with Richard Goranski.

Who was… breathing really fast.

Michael looked to him.

He was staring off into space, chest rapidly rising and falling. He was still holding onto the sides of the car, knuckles now turning white. His brow was slightly furrowed. He looked… panicky.

Knowing he’d probably regret it, but admittedly a little too worried to care, Michael asked, “Are you okay?”

Rich’s eyes snapped to him and he icily blurted, “Yes.”   
  
“Yeah, I don’t buy that.” Michael sat up straighter, inadvertently rocking the car even more. Rich let out a panicked shout, shooting forward to sit on the floor and landing on top of Michael. 

Michael stiffened up, mind a bit too blank to immediately react or get mad. Rich quickly scrambled to get off of him. He curled into a ball, stuttering out apologies.

“I- sorry- I’m sorry-”

Michael blinked at him. “Are- are you okay?”

Rich closed his eyes and went silent, taking in long shaky breaths, as if walking himself through a breathing exercise. Michael waited patiently, observing the tensity in his shoulders.

After a good minute, Rich let out a final, long, shaky breath and mumbled, “‘M fine.”

Michael wanted to say, “No, you’re not,” But he restrained himself and shot Rich a concerned look instead.

“I…” Rich’s eyes darted back and forth, at war with himself on whether to say or not. Eventually he whispered, “Please don’t laugh.”   
  
Despite being furious less than a minute ago, Michael understood that this was more important than all of the hesitations towards Rich in his mind.

So he nodded and said, “Promise.”

Rich swallowed, then spoke as quietly as possible, like he was afraid someone would overhear even though they were so isolated. “I’m… afraid. Of being trapped. Like, in cramped spaces.”

Claustrophobia, Michael realized. It would make sense, after being trapped during the fire.

Michael nodded, “Are you gonna be okay?”   
  
“I dunno. I think so.” Rich sighed and ran a hand through his hair, probably to try and ground himself in some way. “Do you know what would make me feel better, though?”

“What?”   
  
“If you told me why you’re upset.”   
  
Right. Michael hated him. Thanks for the reminder.

Rich went on, “If it wasn’t squip related, I don’t really remember doing anything that would’ve hurt you and I kinda need you to tell me.”

“That’s what’s so bad about it. It wasn’t the squip,” Michael muttered, the urge to blurt it out slowly emerging.

Rich was clearly still on edge. His eyes darted for a moment and he made a noise between a scoff and a growl. “Just… can’t you just _tell me?_ ”

Yeah. Michael supposed he could.

“Why would you flirt with me like that!?”

“... What?”  
  
“In the hospital. It’s just…” Michael groaned, slapping a hand over his face but continuing to talk. It felt good to yell. “After years of calling me slurs and beating me and my friend up and shit… I know that wasn’t _you,_ but what _was_ you was when you fucking flirted with me after all of that. Out of nowhere. Just to… what? Get a laugh out of it? ‘Oh hey, I’m bisexual, better flirt with the gay kid so everyone knows.’ Is that it!?”

Rich stared at him wide eyed. It took him a moment to come back with a clever response: “... Uh.”

“And _then_ … God, and then… I could’ve blamed it saying you were drugged up on sleep meds or something, but _then_ you kept doing it even when you were back at school.”

Rich held Michael’s angered gaze for a moment longer, then hung his head, staring at the floor. “I thought…”

“Am I a joke to you!?”

“No! I… that’s not why I did it.”

Michael crossed his arms, satisfaction at Rich’s upset expression giving him more spite. “Then fucking enlighten me.”   
  
Rich hesitated. Several times his mouth parted to start speaking, only to close. It seemed as if he was choosing his words very carefully.

“I… I kept doing it because I thought you liked it.”

A tidal wave of fury at the statement made Michael laugh bitterly. “So it _was_ a joke. Play with my emotions to appease me? Make me feel better? Get a laugh out of me?”   
  
“No! I didn’t know it bothered you. You just- you seemed like you were into it. Then one day you got upset and started… being weird with me.”   
  
Michael honest to God didn’t mean to say what came out next. He was going to leave his furious outburst at “you used me and you’re an asshole,” and not tell the entire truth. After hearing that statement though, he decided he was done with the five-foot-five asshole he was trapped with and couldn’t afford to care anymore. He blurted:

“That’s why I hated it! I _was_ into it! Even though I knew it was a joke to you, I liked it. I liked _you_ , Rich.”

Rich stared at him blankly for a full minute. The sounds of wind and carnival music and kids screaming momentarily filling the air as Michael caught his breath and realized the full weight of what he’d just admitted. Still, he couldn’t afford to be embarrassed. He was too upset to care. 

Finally, Rich quietly muttered, “It was never a joke to me.”  
  
“Oh yeah, _sure-_ ”

“I started doing it because I liked you too.”   
  
Oh.

He smiled sadly, eyes going glassy as he recalled, “Just… waking up in the hospital. Seeing you so worried over Jeremy, like you really cared. I’d never seen someone care about someone else that much before.” He laughed softly, “And then you noticed I was awake. And you asked… you asked, ‘are you okay?’ And you looked at me like… like you were genuinely concerned, even after all I’d done and put you through. Like you were sharing some of that care you had for jeremy with me.”

Oh.

“And… I liked it. I liked you.” Then Rich added, “I still do.”

“Oh,” Michael said. Because to have your hatred for someone be sort of entirely discredited and paired with a love confession isn’t something you just have an easy go-to response for.

“... Yeah.”   
  
Which raised the question- did Michael still like Rich?

He’d sort of managed to replace all his romantic feelings towards the boy with anger once he’d realized how kind of awful Rich was being towards him. Of course, now he knew that Rich wasn’t meaning to be awful at all. Still, the flirting felt oddly placed, as if were to mask all of the shit Rich had put Michael and Jeremy through beforehand. Michael could still be angry if he wanted. But another part of him was looking back into his puppy-love phase, which didn’t seem so very long ago, remembering all of the smooth stupid compliments that made him blush. That was _real._

“I… I don’t know how to feel,” Michael admitted unsurely.

“I don’t either.” Rich smiled weakly, his lip quivering, the sight of which was doing horrible things to Michael’s heart. “I… um, I totally get if you don’t wanna like… yeah. I should’ve known you probably wouldn’t be cool with it after I was such an asshole for so long.” Was he tearing up? “... I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Michael said honestly, “I forgive you.”   
  
“Thanks…” Rich laughed brokenly and started furiously blinking, probably to make the tears go away.

“Please don’t cry…” Michael whispered, now feeling immensely guilty for yelling at the boy.

“It’s fine. I don’t know what I expected anyways. Of course you would reject someone like me.”

“I…” Michael’s logical side was furiously screaming at him to not give in, he didn’t deserve Michael’s total forgiveness yet, don’t go back to your stupid lovestruck phase, apologize and be done, this kid is seriously problematic. Michael’s emotional side said, “I didn’t reject you.”   
  
Another sour laugh from Rich, “You said ‘I don’t know how to feel.’ That sounds like a no to me.”

“I didn’t reject you, Rich.”

Rich swallowed, sniffed, realized what Michael meant, and looked up at him with gigantic, hesitant eyes.

Christine had the right idea to go on the Ferris wheel at sunset. Rich was bathed in orange, making him look like he was practically glowing. That along with the view out to the entire carnival? Them alone in a tiny confined space? This was romantic as shit.

Michael’s logical side shouted, “he’s guilting you!”

Michael’s very rejected emotional side squealed, “oh my God kiss him!”

Michael hesitated to listen to either. He leaned in closer towards Rich’s face, studying his big brown eyes. Rich fidgeted under his intense gaze.

“Uh… Michael?” Rich questioned in a tiny voice. And that about did it.

Emotional won.

Michael leaned forward even more, connecting their lips. Rich made a surprised noise, freezing up. Michael pulled away again quickly as soon as he was sure Rich wasn’t responding.

His face burned. “Sorry. Shit, I’m sorry.”

Rich was looking at him somewhat horrified, “I… you didn’t have to do that to make me feel better. I don’t… Not cool, dude.”   
  
“I wanted to.”   
  
Rich shook his head. “But you said-”   
  
“I said I didn’t know,” Michael assured. He looked and found Rich’s hand, which was nervously clenched in his lap, taking it and holding it before looking back to Rich. “I want to find out. With you.”

Rich looked to their hands. Then back to Michael. Hands. Michael. “You… really?”   
  
Knowing his confidence was running out, rather than responding Michael summoned the rest of his courage to kiss Rich again.

It still took Rich a second to respond, but he started kissing back. Michael realized he’d never kissed anyone before and resorted to frantically looking through his mind for romance cliches. The first one that came to mind was to use his free hand and bring it to Rich’s cheek. Which was nice and all until Rich let go of his hand and gently grabbed Michael’s hips, urging him to scoot closer. Michael did and realized all too late that they were on the floor of a Ferris wheel car with no room and he was essentially in Rich’s lap now, the sneaky bastard. Rich pressed to make the kiss deeper and Michael allowed it, reminding himself to not think and just do even if he had no idea what was going on or what to do. They broke apart to breathe for a moment, and Rich looked up at him with a cocky grin. Still, his breathless voice revealed that he was just as nervous and excited.

“Damn, Mell.”   
  
Michael felt his face go even more hot. “Stop talking.” He reconnected their lips to avoid embarrassment.

This time he decided to raise his other hand to Rich’s cheeks, essentially holding his face now. Rich started trailing his fingers up Michael’s ribs, sparking flutters in his stomach. Once Michael got tired of face-holding, he moved his hands up to run them through Rich’s hair, which Rich seemed to like if his hum of approval was anything to go by.

They broke off again. Then Rich slipped his hands under the hem of Michael’s shirt, which Michael couldn’t decide was too far or really good. He’d need to think on it, he decided as he leaned in to kiss Rich yet again.

There was a jolt. The car swung, causing Michael to fall forward on top of Rich, their teeth clacking together awkwardly. Rich yelped, shooting up and clinging to Michael in fear. 

They were moving again, if the loud cheers from below and thrum of machinery were anything to go by.

“Jesus… Thank God,” Michael reveled at the realization. Rich was still holding onto him tightly, looking around uneasily. Michael looked to him and smiled, “We’re saved.”   
  
“Damn it,” Rich muttered, rolling his eyes but relaxing nonetheless.

“Maybe later.”

Michael got off of him and moved to sit back in his seat, and Rich did the same.

“So, um,” Rich muttered as they neared the ground, “What are we gonna tell everyone about this?”   
  
Michael’s answer was immediate, “Nothing yet.”   
  
Rich made an “okay” hand and smiled. Michael smiled back.

They were the last in their group to get off. Rich collapsed onto the ground and screamed, “I lived!” which made everyone laugh and distracted them as to not ask why the two of them looked mildly disheveled.

The night had just begun and they still had a few hours to kill before the fireworks show. Brooke enthusiastically suggested they went to ring toss.

Michael turned to Rich. “Ready to watch me lose, but still score higher at you at some more extremely rigged games?”   
  
Rich’s eyes narrowed playfully. “You’re on.” 

Rich did lose. They ate some funnel cake, watched the fireworks, and everyone was only slightly suspicious as to why Michael was suddenly being civil towards Rich again.

Maybe it wasn’t such a bad day, Michael decided.  
  



End file.
